It has been a week now since I went through the Male Rites of Passage in Sandstone, MN.

I went on this week for a variety of reasons.  My main interest stemmed from the work I’ve been doing with our men’s ministry at church, helping men get beyond the shallow b.s.ing over breakfast and coffee into deeper questions and issues of soul, spirit, and life.  It has been gratifying to have so many men who are interested in connecting with other Christian men, to encourage and support each other on this journey of faith and life.  It is an honor to call these men my brothers in Christ.  They teach me so much about putting faith into action in their lives, not because they do it perfectly, but because they are honest in their struggles and joys.  Their lives reveal God’s grace to me, as Christ continues to work in their lives, and by reflection, I am able to see God at work in mine as well.

I also went because of the encouragement and example of my friend and soul brother, Brad.  He introduced me to this ministry/movement and experienced his own rites of passage in 2005.  In our conversations it became clear that this was something that I needed and wanted to do for my own spiritual growth.  There is a saying, “You cannot lead others beyond were you have been.”  I have found this does not only apply to life experience, but to the spiritual life of faith in God.  Not knowledge gained, but wisdom given.

At the rites of passage, there were a few men in their twenties, but most were well above 40, up into the 70′s.  This surprised me.  With the average age around 50, why did so many older men feel the need to experience these male rites of passage?  I do not presume to speak for these men, my initiated brothers, but after listening to so many different life stories that resonated with my own, it seems that none of us ever had older men, elders, to help us put all of the scattered pieces of our lives’ lessons and experiences together.  The founder of these rites of passage, Richard Rohr, once said that this is not about Theology, but about Cosmology; a big picture, or framework where all the pieces, even the broken and painful ones, have a proper and meaningful place.  It was not that I learned anything totally new, but through the rites, rituals, and experiences, the disconnected and even fractured pieces of my life have begun to come together for me in a way that had eluded me for most of my life.  And again, without speaking for my brothers, it seemed that they experienced some of the same “re-ligio” (re-binding = religion) of their lives that I did.  

But why so many older men?  I would agree with the leaders of these rites of passage that it does no good to initiate younger men and then send them back to their communities where there are no elders to continue to help and guide them.  This was affirmed by two younger men that I talked with at the rites who were both excited about their experience but also more than a little afraid to go back to their homes, work, and church, because they did not have any elders to whom they could go to talk to and learn from.  This from young men who are very active in their own churches!  They couldn’t name one older man from their church whom they felt they could go to for the elder-ing they needed and wanted.  Thankfully there are phones and email, as well as local and regional networks of initiated men and elders for ongoing support and encouragement, if they seek it out.  Younger men need spiritual elders in their lives to build friendships of deep trust and respect to help them develop into mature spiritual men.  

So it seems a two pronged approach is needed, continue to help and encourage the spiritual growth and life of older men, while at the same time connecting them with the younger men in the church, to build those friendships of trust and respect.