Soul friends is not a term we are used to, and many have never heard of the term.  It does not refer to an acquaintance, or even a “best friend.”  Remember as a kid trying to figure out who was your “best friend” as opposed to just a friend.  ”Best friends” are forever, but we sadly learned not all of the time.  There are good friends, best friends, casual friends, the infamous “just friends,” and whatever other adjectives you would choose to add.  Friendships of whatever level are important and needed in our lives.  In any case, what I mean by soul friends is something different, beyond, and deeper than “best friends.”    It is a person with whom you have shared glimpses into each others souls; your deepest beliefs, questions, doubts, failures, fears, and hopes.  This person is most likely not your spouse and probably of the same sex, not sexual relationship, though very intimate.  

In listening to countless people over the years talking about their relationships with friends, and observing the interaction of people with their “best friends” over time, I find this kind of soul friendship very rare.  A rare and priceless gift.  And one that takes much time, risk, and commitment.

Soul friends can look you in the eye and tell you truths you would rather avoid or deny, but need to hear.  At the same time, because of the love you share, you receive the truth as a gift, even as it cuts.  It goes both ways as you challenge, support, encourage, and love each other into spiritual growth and wholeness.  Why spiritual growth and wholeness?   Because at the center of the relationship between soul friends, God is present.  It is not that God is not present in other relationships, but that soul friends intentionally pay attention to God in the midst of their friendship.  Whenever you are dealing with issues of the soul, you are necessarily dealing with God.

As I wrote, it takes time, risk, and commitment, but also patience.  This kind of friendship usually doesn’t just “happen.”  It develops and grows over time.  It takes a willingness of both friends to share not only their faith journey, but also the real struggles and brokenness, as well as joy and happiness that dwell deep in our souls.  

I am still working at this with a number of my friends.  Sometimes we’re intentional about it, sometimes not, but we continue to work at our friendship with love, patience, and trust that God will guide us along the way.